Nightmare before Christmas – what to serve for dinner?

We really had NO IDEA! Bitter Tears, a cocktail made from real human tears, is just the latest recipe to be created from human excretions. The trend is called “body food” and it seems to be on an unpalatable rise, The Guardian (UK) newspaper reported on 8 December 2015.

Apart from the cocktail Bitter Tears, which was concocted by London’s experimental “food artistes” Bompas and Parr, two toffs who went to Eton before setting up a company that specialises in outlandish jelly creations, you will find the following items on the menu:

For starters, there is a “Yeast infection bread”, made from a recipe the feminist blogger Zoe Stavri posted recently, containing yeast from an infection she happened to be suffering from at the time. And no, you don’t want to know where she had this infection.

For dessert, there is a choice between Crème caramel avec semence (found in the book “Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-based Recipes”) and Breast milk ice-cream.

All of this can be washed down with Beard Beer by the Rogue Brewery in Oregon USA, which is made with wild yeast harvested from the bushy beard of its chief brewer John Maier. He has sported a beard since 1978, Rogue claims on its website. “This isn’t quite as odd as it sounds,” The Guardian article says. “By spending so much time in a brewery, the beard had become a repository for all sorts of yeasts (it was also full of the ordinary brewer’s yeast they use), but their lab was lucky to isolate a wild strain that actually made decent beer.”

Sadly, there is no main course on this menu. Therefore, readers in doubt as to what to serve at their Holiday dinners, are advised to consult a cookbook by Nigella Lawson or Jamie Oliver or anyone else. We are sure, their dishes will be much more palatable.